I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
