the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
