Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
