last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
