The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
