Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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