Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Two words: nipple clamps
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