Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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