Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You're so nebulous sometimes
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
