I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
