Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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