i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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