In the future we'll all be gay
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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