2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
