he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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