fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
