dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So much rum. So many feels.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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