Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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