She's JV to your varsity
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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