i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
