i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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