Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
