I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
