my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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