Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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