I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I can't trust your balls anymore.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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