Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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