What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
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She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
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no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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