I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
