Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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