thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
