Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Pants are for mortals
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
