my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Your cock deserves a montage
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
