I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
