I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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