i just wanna soil my oats bro
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
