i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
