Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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