I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
