i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
