Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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