Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
