yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
