remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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