I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize