there's paper in my vomit.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
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Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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