I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
