Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
