I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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