There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
40s are totally the cure
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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