So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
