He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
