We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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