Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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