Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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