you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
