i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
