you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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