You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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