sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't turn off my feet"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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