Kiss
Puke
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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