guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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