My friends, they love my intelligence
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
