At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
